Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Happy Birthday Mom!

I have the greatest mom! Check the link to read my previous post about her. It was a series called 30 days to 30. Before I turned thirty I wrote about something in my life for each year I have been alive. I could have written something about my mom for each year- she's that special of a lady. And today is her birthday! I love you mom and I can't wait for your visit in a few weeks. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Ten on Tuesdays

1. I've been disappointed as of late in both my life and the political world unfolding around us. It has been hard to frame my thoughts without being to harsh on myself and others, so I refrained for awhile. Ten on Tuesday gives me a chance to point to those things without getting too emotional about them.
2. I am frustrated with my career. It's hard for me to admit that.
3. I feel like the game is happening on another field and I am a spectator and not a player.
4. It's not as easy as asking the coach to join the team. He demands to see me play first. The only problem is no one is willing to play with me because the coach won't vouch for me.
5. I am similarly frustrated with this absolutely asinine election where we define people by their associations (her husband/his pastor) without getting the whole story.
6. I want us to be better. Why not watch the whole sermon from beginning to end? Why not watch the entire National Press Club speech and questions from beginning to end? Why not watch the Bill Moyers interview with Jeremiah Wright from beginning to end? It is not the time to allow others to draw conclusions, state them as fact and then as a people blindly accept those conclusions as our own. We need to think for ourselves.
7. I am not asking that everyone agree with the statements made by Jeremiah Wright (I certainly don't agree with all of them), but if you watch all three of the previously mentioned videos, you may find yourself nodding in agreement from time to time. You may also find that you are offended, but at least it is you that is offended and not someone telling you you should be.
8. I know that Barack Obama came out again and denounced Jeremiah Wright's statements on Monday, but I don't think even he watched the entire thing. He said "he heard that Wright had given "a performance" and when he watched news accounts, he realized that it [was] more than just a case of the former pastor defending himself." (AP) I think it is sad that Obama clearly didn't watch the entire thing before commenting. For all the theatrics in the Reverend's statements there was a lot of value in his opening argument (what I heard and came away with from that portion was of a Black church focused on "liberation, transformation, and reconciliation." Nothing wrong with that. It was later during a string of questions and answers where we got the stranger side. Of course the media edited the material down to soundbites for the newscasts- that's how this whole thing began. And when you watch the entire thing you'll notice the first person to roll their eyes is the woman asking the questions.
9. I think I saw Cornel West in the audience at the National Press Club.
10. In my college philosophy class we read Cornel West's Race Matters. If you haven't read it, I highly recommend it.

Saturday, April 26, 2008


Not motivated to write. Not motivated to use complete sentences. More later.

Monday, April 21, 2008


It is amazing to me how capable of getting up early I am if I have to be at work and/or someone is counting on me, but if I have to get up for my own purposes or for an audition somehow my brain thinks it is optional and I hit the snooze and go back to sleep. I worked last night and didn't get home until after one and then I had to be up for work at my temp job at six this morning. I have to admit that I did hit the snooze once, but not getting out of bed was not an option. I want to be more self motivated, but in an industry where you often only answer to yourself, I'm not sure how to accomplish this. I need to change the way I think which is never an easy prospect. I put more emphasis on how others view me or my performance rather than demanding the best from myself purely because I want to be the best that I can. I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that I stand in a room pouring out my heart for two minutes hoping that they will like me enough to call me back. I need to take back some of the control I have handed over. My happiness and my success lie in my hands and mind and it is important. I will take better care to put myself first. Easy to say, harder to do, but I'm worth it.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Ten on Tuesday- Alright Wednesday...

1. I'm waiting tables again. On my first night back a man actually said this to me. He was having dinner with his wife and two adolescent children (a boy and a girl). "Oh my God, it's a girl. I've never had a girl wait on me here. I've been coming for years." I replied, "Yeah, I know there haven't been a lot of us. It is a physically demanding restaurant. I've worked here on and off for the last six years" (note to self that is an incredibly long time. note to self, again, I'll leave the restaurant's name out of the blog just in case they are listening). He replied, "I can't believe it." And then he leaned over to look at my ass and then looked straight at my breasts and said, "Are those real?" And then he laughed and laughed while his wife and children looked hopeless and I contained my urge to punch him in the face!
2. Ahhhh! The delites of serving the public again...
3. I am trying to remind myself that I am there to do a job. I am there to make money. There is no need to make friends or waste my energy getting upset at the stupid things that happen in a restaurant.
4. It is officially spring here. The cherry blossoms in my neighborhood have opened up!
5. My apartment is a mess again. I'm not sure how that happened so quickly.
6. My website is complete. At least for the moment. I changed the Contact page because it was getting on my nerves. I love the picture from Walt's Inn (thanks Rissa), but I couldn't figure out what was bothering me so much about that page. Then I realized, it looked like a Myspace page. I love my Yeungling, but it looked a little like a college kid's attempt at a contact page. I want to come across as more professional than that.
7. Is it April 22nd yet?
8. I am debating going to see the Pope. I haven't been a Catholic in 14 years, but I think it might be cool to see him. Then again, it might just be a really huge gathering of people that I can't wait to get out of...
9. I ate a donut today.
10. After reviewing this post I realized it's as up and down emotionally as I feel right now. I'm not sure if I want to laugh or cry. What to do in this situation? I'm going to take a shower and then take a quick nap before I head back into the city.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Need Your Help

I'm sorry that I haven't been writing much lately, but I have been trying to perfect my website before I add it to my resume. I have realized that it looks slightly different in Mozilla as compared to Internet Explorer. It is correct in IE and there are two alignment errors with background pictures and text boxes in Mozilla. I have not figured out how to correct this, but I am curious how the website looks when viewed with Apple's Safari (and any other browsers I am unaware of). So, anyone out there who wants to help and has Safari, please check out my website which is now and let me know if it looks alright with that browser. I would really appreciate any details on what may be wrong- once again, I have no idea how to fix it, but I want to at least know what the problems might be. Also, I would appreciate any feedback positive or negative in regard to my website- it's my first web design and I want to know what works and what doesn't. Just as a small sidenote, the backgrounds on the home page and the reviews page were pictures I took in Jamaica. The contact page photgraph was taken by Charissa at Walt's Inn in Baltimore while karaoking! And since I like them so much, I'm adding them to this post! I look forward to hearing from anyone with an opinion- which means all of you out there!

Black Sand Beach, St. Thomas, Jamiaca

The view from our hotel. St. Thomas, Jamaica

Singing New York State of Mind at Walt's Inn. Baltimore, Maryland

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Brick Wall

I've been hitting a brick wall, "but I believe....
... brick walls are there for a reason. They're not there to keep us out. They are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something." Randy Pausch

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

My New Website!!

I am very excited to announce my very own website! I am still trying to work out a few kinks, namely that I registered with google apps and I'm having a hell of a time redirecting. Please take a look and offer any suggestions (I am aware of obvious stuff so really let me know if you think I've got all the info I need)! Use this link to check it out! I will let you know when I get the domain straightened out. Until then the web address is really long and clumsy so it's best to head there through the above link! Enjoy!

Friday, April 4, 2008


I'm sure you are wondering why I have not written my blog since Tuesday, considering I have been sitting behind a desk and surfing the net for the last week. Well, it is a solid question, and I am going to attempt to answer it.
Sitting behind a desk and surfing the internet doesn't give me much to think about intellectually. Really my day is filled with thoughts of, "I wonder what kind of lunch is going to be in the kitchen?"- see there is a fully stocked kitchen on each floor and then people order food for meetings and all the extra ends up in the kitchen. Of course, I'm thinking of lunch as I am pouring myself a bowl of cereal from the 15 or so choices in the cabinet. And then, I am plotting out my trips to the bathroom (mostly because I drank too much coffee)- the only time I leave the desk, unless I am going to the kitchen. I have to say- I have shown great restraint. The only cereals I've allowed myself to have are Fiber One, Cracklin'Oat Bran, and Quaker Oat Squares. I try to stick with the salads and fruit for lunch. And I only allow myself water or coffee to drink. It's the dessert trays and the one person in this office who bought an unlimited supply of Girl Scout Cookies (Oh, Samoa's are sooooo good!!) that will kill you.
So, that's why. Don't worry, I'll return to being unemployed, broke, and thoughtful next week...

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Ten on Tuesdays- Office Edition

1. I don't own a lot of office attire. I like it that way, but when I am temping at the same place for two weeks, outfits get recycled. I kind of feel like I did in sixth grade when I only had one pair of jeans that fit me right. I put them on everyday hoping nobody would notice. One day I would peg them, the next day I wouldn't. I would even alternate folding down the waist- they were button fly. Unfortunately, it was sixth grade and everyone noticed.
2. My building ID is a funny picture. I didn't want to look too eager (I was trying to be sophisticated, I think), so I was smiling politely. The security guard that took the picture took a long time and there was no flash, so it looks like I am impatient and annoyed. Plus, as Mere pointed out, my earrings were really big.
3. I find that I have too much free time here. I am more motivated when I have a full day. When I know there will be five more hours of the same, I procrastinate.
4. I am amazed how few women work at the higher levels at this office (it's a big office, too). The women are primarily receptionists and administrative assistants.
5. I made it to two auditions this morning. This is impressive considering I have to be to work by 11:30 and auditions begin at 9:30. They went pretty well too!
6. I took a proofreading class on Sunday and actually enjoyed it. I am hoping to get in with a few agencies and then hopefully free-lance. I have to stay motivated (see #3).
7. I can feel the pull of restaurant work- I am a little too hyperactive to be comfortable sitting all day.
8. I'm not sure if I am allowed to, but I have been watching at work. I am almost up to date with Lost. This is also why I get nothing done here (see #3).
9. When I have jobs where they work me to the bone, I always dream of a job like this. Now that I have it, I wonder at the lack of responsibility I have and wish to be doing more. The grass is always greener.
10. In reality, this job is increasing my skill set (beyond asking, "Can I take your order?") and enabling me to stay rested and focused on my career. The trouble is, what am I going to do next week? I don't know that I can live with such uncertainty...