11 Days till 30- 1996

I came to New York City for the first time. I applied to NYU and I had to come for an audition. I scheduled it and then told my mom. Kind of sketchy on my part, but I knew she might not go for it. John had wanted to go to school for theatre and my mom told him no. I think the official word was something like this, "If you want to do theatre, fine, but if you're living under my roof, you have to double major." She was a bit wary of an artist's life for her kids and I can see why. So, I told her I scheduled an audition and I wanted her to come with me. She called my cousin Tasha, who was a travel agent at the time, and booked us two flights and a hotel. Yeah, I guess the others warmed her up for me! I think she was just as excited to go to NYC as I was. The flight out of Cleveland Hopkins was awful- it was also my very first time on a plane. It was definitely an experience coming to audition at Tisch. It was also one of the first times I was rejected. I was accepted into NYU, but not into the program, but I loved the energy and the people in the city and I knew I would find my way back here.

After playing Adelaide in the spring all school musical, I graduated 32nd in my class without a college to go to. I only applied to three schools and I didn't get accepted to any of them. I thought about moving to St. Louis to study voice with my uncle. I also thought about moving straight to NYC. I had met a boy, Craig, who encouraged me to apply to Kent State University and try it out. Got in- no problem. So I would start college in the fall right near where I grew up with a new boyfriend, and without my best friend, Erin (it's a long story, but it involves a boy and my often too big mouth- we never regained our friendship after that and it makes me sad)...

I went to Europe that summer with ETC. It was an amazing experience and it wet my appetite for overseas travel. I left Paris wondering when I might ever be able to get back. We started in Scotland, took a bus tour to London, and then took the Chunnel to Paris, singing all the way. I was in heaven! Coming home was hard. It meant the end of my childhood and the beginning of something completely different.

Shortly after coming home my Gramps passed away. It was the hardest death I have ever had to experience. We had all gotten to know him so well in the few short years we had after Grandma died. I loved him dearly. He was buried next to my Grandma and I sang to him at the cemetery. It was my way of saying goodbye.

Letting Go

lyrics :Leslie Bricusse

Letting go of a hand,
That I've grown so accustomed to holding,
Letting go of that hand can be so hard.

Letting go of a hand,
That was there to protect and defend me.
Letting go of that hand,Can be so hard.

There was bound to come a time,
I had to find my way,
Our time has come,
For letting go.

Moving on in my life,
There's so much about me I'm unsure of.
I must find my own way,
On my own.

You will always be with me,
I will always need your love
And it's so hard to let you go.

Even now,
though we know,
Now my heart wants to hold on forever.
It's the hardest thing I know.
But now it's time, for letting go.
It's the hardest thing I know,
But now it's time, for letting go.