15 Days till 30- 1992

It is only fair to mention that this is the year that my sister Jenny graduated from high school. The memory that I have from this year though is about my grandma and grandpa. My grandma had had a stroke and was in a nursing home. My grandpa would wake up in the morning and drive to the nursing home and sit by her bed everyday until visiting hours were over. The only time this routine was different was if he had a doctor's appointment or someone came by to take him to lunch or dinner. We always went down every week to visit. I would ride in the car with gramps and ask him what he had for breakfast- it was a favorite topic of ours. He'd say, "Well, I had some shredded wheat (the big biscuit kind) and for a little natural sugar I crumbled some chocolate chip cookies over it." My favorite part of the tradition was the "natural sugar," it always made me smile. Gramps was a gentle soul and seemed so different from my grandma. She was very sick for a long time and seemed to linger as if she was afraid of dying. When she was first in the home she would speak, but very poorly and not that often. One day when we went to visit, my mom told her that I was captain of the cheer leading squad (something I do not proudly admit, I must add- I hated it, but that's another story...) and that I was doing very well at it. My grandmother who could barely speak, let alone put whole sentences together, said clear as day, "Well, good, maybe she'll put that big mouth to use." I was stunned and really hurt. My mom said that I should go sit out in the TV room. Now, I know you're probably thinking wow, that's really harsh, but she was sick and she probably didn't know what she was saying, and you would be wrong. There was some history there and it all began for me in 1988. Unfortunately, the story of my grandmother's meanness goes back a lot further, but this was its beginning for me. We always went to a really early dinner at a restaurant called Hex's (you know the kind of early dinner that occurs at three in the afternoon because your grandparents are really old and they go to bed at 8 or 9). Well, this particular dinner my mom was having a lively discussion with her parents about the coming election (George H.W. Bush vs. the Dems, my grandparents were Republicans and my mom (and I) were Democrats). I thought that I would be able to add a bit to the conversation and I felt that mom could have used some support, so I chimed in, "You know what grandma, if I were old enough to vote I would vote for Jesse Jackson!" See, the first biography I had ever read was about Jesse Jackson and the Rainbow Coalition and my grandparents loved biographies. They would go to the library every week to get a new one. And if I could have gotten a word in edgewise, I would have told my grandma this, but I had started a screaming fit to end all screaming fits. I specifically remember my mom telling my sister and I to get under the table. While under the table, Jenny questioned my logic for even bringing this up. Honestly, it just came out. I knew my grandma was racist. I also knew that my best friend in the whole wide world wouldn't be allowed in her home. I think it was my silly 10 year old mind telling this old person she was wrong. Unfortunately, my mom was forced to bear the brunt of her tirade. And I sat under that table wishing that I could take it back. From that day on when I would go to say goodbye to grandma she pretended I didn't exist. She would actually turn her head from me when I would lean in to kiss her cheek. I was never addressed directly again, unless you count the big mouth comment. Grandpa came out to the TV room in the nursing home a little while later and sat down next to me and took my hand in his and said, "I'm sorry your grandma said that to you, but you know where it comes from don't you?" I nodded my head and he said, "That Jesse Jackson comment." Of course the person that should have apologized couldn't and he knew that. In his own sad way he was trying to apologize for a woman he had grown to love even through all her anger, abuse and sadness. I loved him for trying, in his own way he did make it better, I learned to love him more that day and all the days that followed.

16 Days till 30- 1991

I ran for President of the sixth grade and lost. I was 6th out of ten contenders and the highest ranking girl. I can't remember what I ran on, but it surely wasn't popularity. I think this was the first time I realized that having two first names was a liability. It was also the first time that most people knew that my real name was Joyce. And why might they have discovered this, you might ask? It was because Joyce rhymes with choice and what better campaign slogan than to have VOTE for JOYCE she's the right CHOICE! I also had posters with Jodi on them, but I can't remember the slogan we used. When we gave our speeches during an assembly I probably could have used the name thing to my advantage, but I didn't mention it. We had put on the bottom of the Joyce posters Jodi Beck for President and we figured that covered it. Obviously, you can't reiterate enough when it comes to name recognition. It was a real flaw in the campaign.

17 Days till 30- 1990

There was a secret in our family, and the secret was being kept from me. I knew it and I hated it. I remember conversations that would end when I came into the room and I remember being very upset that Barb was in on the secret and I wasn't. Now, I loved Barb, but it seemed unfair that my brother's fiance was allowed in, but I, who had been a part of the family since my birth was not. The worst part about it was that I knew the secret, but I just couldn't be positive because no one had told me. My brother John was gay. Now how I came to this conclusion I'm not sure, but I was a smart kid and I'm sure that I could figure out that he brought boys home to meet the family and not girls. So, while watching Dan Rather's 48 Hours which happened to be about some gay topic with my mom and sister, I finally put it all together and asked my mom, "Is John gay?" And what is the worst response a 12 year old could hear came out of my mom's mouth. See, she was studying to be a therapist and I don't think she was talking like a mom. She said, "Now, Jodi, that's something you should speak to your brother about." How awful! John was living with dad at the time and so the next Sunday I went to him and said hey, so mom told me I had to ask you if you were gay. He laughed at her silliness and said yes. Thus, the end of the secret, but the beginning of mom taking us to her class to discuss our feelings about it....

18 Days till 30- 1989

So this was a good year. I had Mr. Heid for my fifth grade teacher and I thought he was great. I also met my best friend Erin this year. The school district was remapped before school started and Erin and also my friend Jackie were redistricted to Indian Trail. What was really cool was Erin didn't live all that far from me. The only problem was that I had to cross Graham Road to get to her building. Erin's mom Janet was awesome too and I was always over there or Erin would come over to my house. I remember being very nervous for the start of sixth grade because we had to wait to find out if we would be on the same team. We ended up on different teams. Erin and Jackie were together, but I was on my own. The end of fifth grade was fun. Mr. Heid made it possible for us to put together a musical during the school day. It was somehow worked into our History and English lessons. It was called Let George Do It! I played Betsey Ross and the third narrarator. I loved it and it was a great way to end elementary school.

19 Days till 30- 1988

John graduated this year and what I remember is that my mom was thankful that it happened. I don't think high school was John's cup of tea. John and I were never that close while we were growing up: not for any reason in particular, but we just weren't. I wonder if it is true in most families with four kids that the youngest and oldest are closest and then the middles pair off with one another. I have always thought that Jenny and John were a lot closer than I ever was to John. They get each other's corny, but wonderful sense of humor. I was in the fourth grade that year and I was in a split classroom with 4th and 5th graders. I loved Ms. Monroe. She was from Scotland and an environmentalist. We used to play this board game about saving the dolphins and she always said that if you are cleaning in the bathroom it is best to use elbow grease instead of too much Comet. It took me a while to realize elbow grease wasn't some British product I'd never heard of. This was also the year that I had Ohio history with Mrs. Bland. She knew my dad and one day in class when we were talking about what our parents did for a living I said my dad was just a janitor at the high school. She told the entire class how much we should appreciate our custodial staff and what they do for us often goes unnoticed. Then she told me that I should call him a custodian because it was a profession. I was totally embarrassed, but kind of proud at the same time. In this same class I sat next to Domenico Cavellero. He was from Italy and all the girls thought he was so cute. I will forever remember him because of what he said to me one day during class. My mom had cut off all my hair because I had broken my arm roller skating and she wanted to make it easier for me to get ready in the morning. Plus, I think she has always loved short hair and it was her way of giving it to me without too much of a protest. Anyway, one day when I was particularly swooning over this boy, he leaned over to me and said, "You know, if you had a better face and better hair, I would date you." Ouch! Take that Domenico Cavellero, where ever you are!!

20 Days to 30- 1987

So this is the year we went from five members of the family at home to four. It was the first big shift in the family home since my dad left. And it didn't happen in the best of ways. This is also one of those things that everyone remembers differently. This is my blog, hence my memory. I remember some arguments between my mom and my brother about varying topics including school, work, and chores. Mom's rule was you could live at home rent free as long as you were going to school full time. It also meant that your chores didn't go away just because you were in college. Not much changed in that department over the years and I was given the same rules as everyone else. Jim's weekly chore was always mowing the lawn. I remember what I think was the final argument between them very well. Jim had told me that he thought mom was going to kick him out and I of course didn't want that to happen. I think it's probably typical for the youngest to have a hard time with change in the family dynamic, but over time it became easier for me because from this point it was always changing. And as a nine year old I don't think I quite understood. I sat at the top of the basement stairs with the stair light off. Mom and Jim were at the bottom of the stairs arguing about the chores and about school. I remember being frightened because they were both very upset. He raised his hand to her and she put her finger to his face and said don't you even think about it. Looking back I think it was an awfully brave thing to do considering Jim is 6'3" and mom was 5'3". I also had never thought about that part of his personality, because he never acted that way toward me, but it was obvious that he had lost his temper. Mom stopped him before he could make a big mistake, but she also ended it. He had to leave. I love them both so much and I know that it was a difficult time for them. I think that it is even difficult now. Basically, I learned that there are consequences to your actions. And the one person you have to follow through with is your mom. She has always been really aware of what she expects of us and whether or not we come through. She'll call you out, it's kind of her job. "While you're under my roof,....."

Oh No!

I've gotten so far behind in 30 days to 30 posts. This week has been crazy. I finally got my headshots done, I went out on Wednesday and celebrated Halloween and then I had class, which went really well on Thursday, and then I went out with my new friend Sarah Jane last night. Whew, I'm tired. You can view my headshots here. There are a lot to look at and they are really good. I am so excited! The ones labelled best and very best were chosen by my photographer, Jordan Matter. Please do not star anything, but leave any comments on my blog comments page. I would love to have your opinions. And when I get the proof sheets next week I will post some of my favorites here.