1 Day till 30- 2006

I grew up and decided that I would be a participant in my life. I was no longer going to let things happen to me or around me, but I would take an active role in shaping my life the way that I wanted it to look. I sought out an opportunity to get my Equity Card and I went and got it. Actually, Jazmin's mom had a lot to do with it! I was in Florida (at a different theatre outside Tampa) playing Meg in Brigadoon. I had auditioned for Porthouse while I was in Ohio just after New Year's. Terri Kent (who was a friend and mentor) wanted to call me back for Joan in Dames at Sea. The problem was that the callback was Sunday and I was doing two shows that day. I figured that I could make it to Ohio for the callbacks on Monday, but I would have to leave Tampa Sunday night right after the show and then come back Tuesday night in time for the show Wednesday morning. So, in a furry I began to look for flights with only a week to find one. It was spring break and I was in Florida so everything I found was super expensive. I spoke to Jazmin about the problem and her mom booked me on a buddy pass (which means that I would be flying standby), but it would be only 80 bucks. The problem came when she realized that the flight from Tampa to Atlanta was oversold. Basically that meant that there was no chance that I would get to Atlanta to catch my connecting flight to Cleveland. Lucky for me one of the girls in the cast was driving to Macon, Georgia to visit her parents. Zack, another friend in the cast had some friends in Atlanta that were going to come to Macon and pick him up to hang out. I tagged along for the ride and they dropped me off at the airport at midnight. I was going to stay over night in the airport so that I didn't have to inconvenience anyone else to get me there. I figured, I'm a free spirit I can sleep in an airport. WRONG! I slept fitfully the entire night worried that I was a single woman hanging out in a huge airport. I had visions of the movie Adventures in Babysitting when Chris's best friend Brenda is in the bus station all alone and scared with weird people all around her. But, I made the flight and was on my way to my Equity card! I landed the role and my first Equity contract! It also meant that I would be in Ohio close to my family.
I came to a point where I realized putting off the inevitable does nothing but make your stomach hurt and I was tired of trying to make everything okay, when it was not. When I got home at the end of July I packed my things, found a beautiful one bedroom apartment in Jackson Heights and began my life as a single woman...

2 Days till 30- 2005

I gave myself acid reflux. I had a decision to make and I didn't have any idea how to go about it. It consumed me the majority of this year. I am a problem solver by nature, but I had come to a place where the problem to be solved was not mine alone, but the decision to solve it had become mine. It was a lonely place to be. Lucky for me I had wonderful success in theatre this year. Beginning in May I worked almost straight through to the end of the year. I met some amazing people during my travels and once again learned a tremendous amount about myself. I played Laverne in Sisters of Swing upstate New York near Lake Canandagua. It was a beautiful place to spend the early part of the summer. It was the first time that I had ever lived with a host family. I had my own room in this beautiful pre- Civil War home. It sat on the edge of town right next to a winery and I would wake up early in the morning to jog past all the grape vines. It was good to clear my head and begin my day like this. I came home for a month and then set off for Florida to do La Mancha again and a Christmas show. This was a crazy time that was a ton of fun, but with its own set of obstacles. We had two people leave the cast of La Mancha within the first two weeks of opening and then we had Hurricane Wilma. The apartment that I was in lost power for over a week. We spent that time all crammed into the few apartments that did have electricity. In crazy times there is an opportunity to bond with those around you and that's exactly what happened. Karrah Tines and I became great friends and we had such a great time together. I was spending Christmas away from my family so it was important that I had the support of good friends around me. We had two sold out shows on Christmas day and then we packed up to leave the next morning. I was heading to Ohio to be with my family. The new year came without the problem being solved, but I was closer to making a choice...

3 Days till 30- 2004

It was the morning of November 3rd and I was crying. John Kerry had lost the election. I was working in Florida doing Seven Brides for Seven Brothers (it was the first time I had voted with an absentee ballot). The owners of the theatre I worked for were contributors to the Democratic party and I had been invited to see John Edwards speak that summer at a breakfast fundraiser for John Kerry (Kerry was the obvious Democratic nominee, but before John Edwards was chosen as the Vice Presidential candidate) and then later I saw Edwards as the official VP candidate at a big rally in Ft Myers. I also worked for the campaign a few times on my day off. I had participated for the first time at a level beyond just voting and sharing my opinion. It was crushing to know that morning that George W. Bush would be the president for another 4 years. Honestly, I was in shock. I sat out on the porch of the cast apartment with Leann (who was playing Millie in the show) and I just couldn't stop crying. Really, I was disappointed that it wasn't obvious to more people that we were on the wrong path. I firmly believe that no matter what party you are in, you really do want what you believe to be the best for the country. I can't fault anyone for that, but I couldn't understand how so many people chose George Bush. And more importantly I couldn't understand how people chose not to vote (just under 40% of eligible population)at a time when our soldiers were dying in a foreign country. We were at war and often the only voice we have is our vote. To borrow the mantra of the 1980's fight against AIDS,

Silence= Death

US fatalities since November 2004= 2741

How can you chose not to vote no matter which party you vote for?

That's why I was crying that morning, I lost some of my faith in my fellow Americans.

4 Days till 30- 2003

I started auditioning again and it was exhausting, but I loved it! I was non union at the time so the morning looked like this. Wake up, shower, run to the audition place, sign up myself and any other people that I might know and then run to the next place sign up and hope that it will be possible to run back and forth without missing my name being called. Once you miss it, you go to the end of the day (which means you can't actually get in before you have to be at work...) So on this early April morning I wake up for an audition with the Prather Family of Theatres. I had never heard of them before, but they have three theatres and what looked like a lot of opportunity. They also payed pretty well (that is, they pay well using actor's standards- you can get by, but truly it has never been about money for me. If it was, I would have left the business a long time ago!) Anyway, like most audition days I worked the night before and I was exceptionally tired. This morning I decided that I would go sign in at 8:30 and then go back home to Astoria, grab an hour more of sleep and then hopefully make it back in time to hear my name, audition, and then run to my callback for the Networks tour of Oliver. My number was somewhere in the 70s so I determined that they would probably see about 30 an hour, which was perfect because I had some time for that nap I so desperately wanted. I came back to the audition at around 1230 and to my surprise this audition worked differently than any other. When the monitor got there at 9:30 he called through the list and only took people who were physically present. OOPS! On top of that the monitor was lining up the last group to be seen. So, I panicked a bit and then realized that the monitor was someone I had worked with before (We had done Evita together). I told Shawn the abridged version of my story and he said "I'll put you last in this group, but hurry you all go in together." See, I was only half dressed. I was wearing my dress over my jeans and sneakers. I ran to the dressing room, threw off my pants and threw on my heels and got back in line just before all ten of us walked into the room. Now, I have to sidebar for a moment. Never do we audition in front of one another. This was a unique experience. They had chairs lined up along the sidewall and each person would get up in turn and go to the piano show their music and then sing. It was kind of cool, but I was last and I had a lot of time to sit there and get more and more nervous. I had decided that I would sing As Long As He Needs Me because I was called back that afternoon for Nancy in Oliver and it would be a good opportunity to try out the material. I had worked with the casting director of Oliver on the song the previous week, so I was prepared. Plus, I had played the role before and I loved it. I knocked it out! I was asked to a callback for that afternoon. Problem was I was already scheduled to be somewhere else for the afternoon. I told Shawn my dilemma and they agreed to see me through their lunch break. I had been called back for Aldonza in Man of La Mancha. I went in and read through a scene, was given some direction and then asked to do it again. Then they asked me to sight read a piece of music. The pianist played through it a few times and then I sang it. The director came up to me and actually shook my hand and told me what a pleasure it was to meet me. Now, for all you business types, this sounds like par for the course, but let me assure you in this business it is not. I figured I must have impressed him. A week later I was called and offered the job. It would be starting in two weeks in Lancaster, Pennsylvania.

Playing Aldonza was the best theatre experience I have ever known. My director, Seth Reines was so supportive and amazing. On the first day of rehearsal he came to me and said, "There are going to be some difficult moments in this process. If at any time you are uncomfortable or need to stop, say the word." See, Aldonza is whipped and raped in the show. But, Seth created such a safe rehearsal environment that I felt I could put myself in a vulnerable place and be taken care of. It was such a fulfilling experience. I opened my eyes that summer...

5 Days till 30- 2002

Craig went back to Ohio to finish his Master's degree in May. He had found it difficult to be here in NYC and even contemplate writing a thesis. So, he stayed with my mom and finished out a few classes to complete his degree without the thesis. I stayed here in the big city working at Serendipity, which turned out to be such a blessing in disguise. I made really good money and could pay the bills all by myself. The downside was I was working and going out after work so I barely had any other life. Mere had moved to the city the December before and she only lived a few blocks away so I spent most of my free time with her. When Craig finished in late July (I think) he came home with his friend Mike. This was not an easy time, but alas it is one of those things I feel is probably better left at that. Craig started working as a temping again (but this time for a much better organization) in December which was really good for him. Mere had started working at Serendipity too and we didn't get time off for Christmas, so the three of us celebrated our first Christmas away from home together.
The best part of Christmas that year was Christmas Eve. We had decided to go into the city to St. Patrick's for midnight mass. It has always been tradition in my family to go, so I wanted to continue it here. I had to drag Mere and Craig there. Problem was you needed tickets to get into the church. They don't cost anything , but mass is so popular (go figure?) that they hand out tickets to the first people who show up either the day before or the day of (I don't know, specifically). Anyway, we walked to see the tree at Rockefeller Center and then we headed back to Queens to McCann's Pub. And lo' and behold they happened to be doing a drawing for an all-expense paid trip for two to Ireland. Now, on my birthday (in case you don't know the date, that is November 18th) which was well over a month before I had bought one ticket with the last dollar I had. The raffle had been going on for at least a month and a half. So, Mere, Craig and I are hanging out on the couches drinking beer, lamenting the fact that we got turned away from church and I say, "Wouldn't it be funny if out of all those tickets they pulled mine?" (insert jokey, fake laugh here). And then I hear my name. It was the most exciting thing to win. I had never considered myself particularly lucky before. It was the best Christmas present!

6 Days till 30- 2001

This was a tough year. It kind of sucks that the first year of being married was probably the worst year of my life. Now, I know that sounds melodramatic, especially considering I have led an extremely blessed life and I have very few things to complain about. 2001 was a banner year for difficult things. There are some things (actually very few things) that I am not capable of writing about and I have to say that most of them happened this year. I don't mean to leave you hanging, but even though I have been writing this blog for a while now, there are things that are meant to only be written in my private diary.
With that said, I came to NYC in the spring and lived with my friend Scott for six weeks while I got my feet wet and auditioned in the city. Lucky for me I got cast for the summer. Unlucky for me it was at an outdoor theatre in Galveston, Texas. It was the first time that I had ever done theatre and not enjoyed every moment of it. Just try to imagine the horrible, suppressive summer humidity of a gulf coast community with mosquitoes, red ants and these disgusting flying roaches (yes, I know they are called palmetto bugs). Now imagine being a girl from Ohio never having experienced these things and having a horrible time with bug bites all my life. Not pretty. This was also the first time that no one from my family was able to see the shows I was in. The best thing that happened that summer though, was that I met Jazmin. She has become one of my dearest friends and so that somehow makes the summer worth it!!
While I was in Texas my brother John was sick. It was so hard to be away from home and not know what was going on. I came home in August and Craig and I decided that we would move to NYC in September. Scott's apartment was available because he and his girlfriend Erin had decided to move to Chicago. We packed up and moved to New York on September 1, 2001. I know, bad timing.
You've all heard 9-11 stories, so I don't think that it's necessary to share mine. It just was a very difficult time to be new in a city. I rang in 2002 praying that life might be a bit easier next year....

7 Days till 30- 2000

I graduated from college in May after playing Sonia in Godspell for my final college performance. I remember crying in the dressing room with Terri Kent (my director and mentor) after the final show. I was finished with college and I was about to set myself out in the world. It was a scary, but thrilling prospect. I am the one down front crouching with my breasts hanging out (I thought it was a really cool costume!)

That summer I was back at Cain Park to play Gloria Thorpe in Damn Yankees and then I was off to Carousel Dinner Theatre for Evita. It was the first show that I was an understudy and I actually went on. I played the mistress for two performances and it was so exciting. It was exhilarating to go onstage having never done the role before and only having walked through the blocking one time. I loved it. The show closed in early September which was good because I was about to get married three weeks later...

I couldn't have made it to that day without my sister. She basically planned the whole thing; she was indispensable. Because I was never the type of girl to have my wedding all planned out in my dreams, I relied on my sister for everything. I used the florist, photographer, and the DJ that she had at her wedding. She even went with me to register at JC Penney. I think maybe I should have married her!

I have to admit that this is not an easy subject for me to reflect on (hence the joking). So much of what has happened since clouds the happiness of that day. But it was a happy day. It was a happy first month. November and December were tough that year...